I am having trouble falling to sleep tonight. I can't seem to quiet the thoughts running in brain. We have gone through so much in the last month and I am still trying to process all of it. I have been thinking about our honeymoon and the night we decided to throw away the birth control and start trying to have a baby. Mario wanted to start right away but i said we should wait a year and then begin. About 4 days into our honeymoon I abandoned my time line and we started our crazy journey to becoming parents. Nothing in my life has gone according to my well thought out plans. I wanted to get married right out of high school but didn't even meet my husband til I was 25 years old ( I know that still seems young but I was living in Provo, utah at the time and well you know what that means...). I knew having children would be hard because of my diabetes but in the beginning I had no idea how hard it really would be. I have spent countless nights crying and pleading with God to give me a child. I have lost count of the times I read about Elizabeth from the bible conceiving in her old age or Rebekah being barren and many others. I tried to be calm and accept the will of God but my nature is not typically a calm one and so I struggled and wailed and felt hopeless at times. Mario is the one in our marriage who never loses hope and I have learned from his patient example. He has felt the same feelings but has seen this trials through a different lens. I will never be able to fully express to him the comfort he has brought me when I lost sight of God's true nature. Always he is reminding me that Heavenly Father does not give us trials to punish us and that He is ever trying to help us and comfort us. Mario has been my Balm of Gilead.
Now here we are at the end of 8 years of infertility and pain. I am humbled in the face of these two babes. They have renewed my desire to be worthy in the sight of God. They have quenched my thirst and filled me with pure joy. I am so grateful!
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